How will fostering affect my children?
Could you foster Jerome?
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Introduction
When adults make a decision to become foster carers they also make the decision for their children to become part of a family that fosters. Fostering is a very significant change in anyone's life, even more so for the children within the family.
Children, even within the same family, will often have very different views about the prospect of becoming a family that fosters.
Initially many children are very enthusiastic about the idea. During the course of the assessment, if they are of sufficient understanding, the social worker will talk to them about the idea of a foster child coming to stay with them. The social worker will also try to evaluate how realistic their expectations are and how difficult, or easily they might adapt to life within a family that fosters.
Keep Talking
It is often surprising how little time prospective foster carers spend discussing their idea to foster with their children. Our advice is to talk to them regularly throughout the application process, and to make a point of having a regular family members only chat about how being a foster family has affected you all, and how current problems or difficulties can be addressed.
Don't be surprised if children change from being very keen to foster, to hating it, and then back again. Particularly in the early stages when the expectations of the children come up against the realities of the situation. For example, a child may have been looking forward to a new playmate that they could play football and other sports with, but then later find out that the foster child hates all sports and only wants to play computer games. This kind of disappointment can be quite hard on them.
You should also bear in mind that many children will not want to tell their parents about their problems with fostering, as to do so might be seen by some as letting their parents down. Please make very real efforts to find out how they are feeling and coping with fostering. This should continue even after you have fostered for a few years. While children grow up they may be more able to foster at certain times, and less able at others. It is not unheard of for a family to take a break from fostering for a short period, for instance when a child of the family is taking their school exams.
Annual Reviews
Each year your fostering link worker has to produce a report about how you have found the task of fostering and any significant changes that have taken place. It is always good practice for social workers to spend some time with the children of the family to see how they are coping too.
Benefits and Costs
Children of families that foster will often benefit through getting to know children from very different backgrounds, and many start to appreciate the advantage they have of a secure and loving family. They may also learn more patience, tolerance and understanding of others.
Many will also pay a price to foster. Their privacy may be invaded, their property might be borrowed without permission, they may even feel that they have had less of your attention because you foster. They also have to cope with the uncertainty of fostering, the child that comes to live with them may quite suddenly be able to return home. They will almost certainly miss them, even if the foster child had caused them some difficulties in the past.
